Temporary

 The good never lasts forever. The bad will come to balance it out, but...it doesn't mean i won't enjoy the good, but I cannot ignore the universal truth. 

I can't form words anymore unless it is written with time...because if i speak, I will say the wrong things. I need to speak FASTER and I know this, but...no buts. I know you want me to talk, but the words don't come. They never do.
We wait...and wait...and hours pass. Awkward silences fill up the time, but they never come. Similar to trains and trucks. and then...as a truck comes to the tracks, a train runs it over, completely obliterating it.  
Why do you want me to talk? Self incrimination? 
I just...want to sleep. Sleep requires no talking. No thinking. Only in a world out of my control, that requires nothing from me.

Parrotting comes natural when that happens. Remembering what others said to be helpful. To be comforting. To shift the attention off of yourself, and to others. To avoid uncomfortable emotions. To pretend that everything is ok. No dont blame yourself. No, take care of yourself. Stop being self destructive friend. No, take your time. Hyp. o. crit. a. cle. I am in a hell of my own creation. My moods filt between self hatred, contentment, and exhaustion... Stop blaming yourself friend for my own mistakes. Stop it. 
I know what happens when you actually identify feelings. Bad things. Bad things. Stop trying to poke a sleeping bear when I finally put it back to sleep. I know what it can do, and i don't...i don't want it to wake up again.

What did i get myself up to?
What made me think i could handle this right now?
I can barely talk to my friends about real issues...is this really a good idea right now? This will end up in blood and tears...like it always does. Don't tell me I'm a pessimist...i've seen it before. Who's blood and tears? Who knows.