Hurt Yourself Less : ( Deviation: Who am I?)

 Who am I?

Airhead, Annoying, Parrot, hollow, stupid, bitch, runt, weak, guilty
Positive: Introspective, well spoken, outgoing, friendly, artistic, influential, brave, strong, dominant, enthusiastic, selfless

The Guilt Cycle (going with selfless):

Selflessness in response to guilt.
Guilt causes self loathing, hatred and depression trigger. 
Feel guilty over not being selfless enough.
Be more selfless, and trigger the cycle again.

Guilt train of thought:
-Why didn't do x sooner? 
Cultural? (US). Fear and depression causation?
-Why am I a priority?
Setting healthy boundaries and not people pleasing is a sign of growth. Even in the mists of crippling guilt over prioritizing self preservation over others.  
-Why do this at all now?
No answer at the moment. 

Another Deviation:


Why does my voice go out when high emotion/hard topics are attempted to be talked about?

Cause (theory):
Trauma. When parental figure is shown to be unsupportive and unresponsive (even hostile), subconsciously the trigger is to not speak about it.
After getting out of the situation, even minor triggers to those situations (stress, overwhelm, etc) causes selective mutism and crying spells if pushed because of the trauma. Invalidation (perceived or otherwise)) can trigger crying spells/voice temp. mutism. 

How to fix this issue:

When situation arises:

1. Identify emotions
Overwhelm, confusion, panic
2. Write and explore emotions
why? what's triggering this?
3. Self validate